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The Tale of Patricia Pang

March 14, 2016

 

For those whom are conversant with the on-goings in Onyx, you might already know that whenever it's one of the staff's birthday, he usually gets a royal beating from the crew, usually in epic proportions. If you haven't partake in such activity, you should really get your hands dirty. Below is an excerpt of one such activity:

 

 

Couple of months ago, we were anticipating the birthday of Chocolate (@chocolate_onyx) and came to a sensible conclusion that we probably shouldn't give Chocolate a royal beating of her life ala what Stanley (@stanleyja) received. When we made that decision, there was a wave of warmth and a sense of maturity, that perhaps we've all grown up, and shouldn't be doing such juvenile acts no more. But we remembered that we're all Onyx by blood, and the blood eventually overtook our sensible brainwaves, and we decided that no man, or woman will be spared.

 

Beating Chocolate up will not be an option, plus she'd probably have anticipated it. So we've decided to rile up her emotions by creating a hot crazy stalker fan on IG named @patpangg.

 

 

The plan was to use a fake persona, Patricia Pang, and make 'her' fall madly in love with Chocolate, at the same time stalking her on IG. Eventually, we would have Pat Pang come for a trial class on Chocolate's birthday, but not without giving her lots of mental trauma first.

 

First move, follow @chocolate_onyx and the rest of the Onyx trainers.

 

And we proceeded to like all 500-600 posts from the @chocolate_onyx IG account. Our fingers almost broke.

 

Chocolate immediately noticed the abnormality that's going on, and reported to the rest of the staff. But of course, back at the @patpangg Ops Centre, we've got everything under control.

 

AICIRTAP = "Patricia" spelled backwards. The group chat aka PatPangg Ops Centre. We would actually discuss daily what we will post and comment from @patpangg, and at random timings so there will not be a pattern.

 

 

We will grab random photos from google, without the face and post just to keep the persona as real as possible. We started realising the challenge because each "post" had to be different, yet similar. We even made sure that @patpangg's figure matches in the photos.

 

To scare Chocolate a little more, we "arranged" a friend to "buy" a cap from Onyx, and have @patpangg post it later. Naturally she was freaked out. This sort of to-and-fro posting and commenting actually went on for weeks. 

 

Eventually, we turned up the heat, and decided to DM Choco.

 

 

Whenever we DM-ed Chocolate, she'd not reply, otherwise, she'd actually discuss with the whole kampong before replying. Naturally, we chided her for not replying to her "fan" and told her that she should still cordially reply @patpangg. Otherwise, how would we keep the conversation going?

 

 But everytime she replies, we'd turn up the heat. She never replied to the above message =( Basket, dao sia.

 

Pat Pang eventually registered for a 8pm class on a Monday. In the day time, we got a dear friend from Joaquim Florist to deliver a bouquet of flowers, with a cheesy birthday message. 

 

The message on the card had some pretty disgusting stuff. Here's a zoomed in photo of the card, read with caution.

 

What happened afterwards, was birthday song, cakes, alot of well wishes, a lot of vulgarities on the fake @patpangg, but the one person that was the most affected was Stanley. Stanley really thought she was real, Stanley wanted her to be real. Stanley was really looking forward to meeting Patricia Pang.

 

 Sorry Stanley. @patpangg's not real.

 

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