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The Great Onyx Exposé

April 3, 2017

Once upon a time, I was this innocent Onyx member who did my boxing classes religiously under Coach Iskandar and Coach Zim. Over time, I get to know the other coaches like Amir, and Buah. But as time went by, I've started to realise that there seem to be some people in the gym that I don't get to meet on the training ground, whom our interactions are always limited to "hello!" and "byebye!". These are the folks sitting inside the HQ Onyx.

 

I've always wondered what really goes on inside the brain center "container" in which they call it the office. If you've peeked through the window, you'll probably see tables, chairs and a few computers. I've had the "pleasure" of experiencing the HQ Onyx life for a month now, and I'm taking it upon myself to dutifully report my observations. Once you step through that office door, it is like entering Narnia; but more like Narnia on steroids. Within the HQ, it is survival of the fittest every day, every moment, every second; it's like taking part in an Bear Grylls episode.

 

Luckily for me, they have foolishly given me full control of the website, and told me I can write whatever I want. Fools.

 

Onyx Ops Crew a.k.a. Onyx Op Screw - Yilong & Dragon

The Onyx Ops Crew (they called themselves that) consist of Yilong and Dragon, who's real name is Joshua or Josh, but no idea why everyone keeps calling him Dragon. They both shadow each other all day, no matter what they are doing. The two of them in a pair is a disastrous combination for any kind of work efficiency. Somehow, regardless of the task at hand, both of them will end up dancing as though Onyx is a Thai Disco. In fact, they are the secret infatuated lovers of Onyx. Most days, they spend more time having love spats instead of working. Dragon's secret wish is one day, him and Yilong can become #couplegoals number 2.

 

The Onyx Beast, Jiabeast - Jia Bing

Jia Bing, ala JIABEAST is the most underrated, underestimated person inside HQ Onyx. She's so dangerous that her Beast nickname was actually earned. It's ever so easy to forget that behind the usually smiley face and petite stature, lies a selectively dormant beast that when unleashed, goes out of control and absolutely berserk. Jiabeast is a Muay Thai fighter, and also has a orange belt in Judo.

 

I poked around and asked how did Jia Bing earn her beast title, and people tell me that it was rumoured that in one of her Muay Thai fights, she was throw knee bombs at her opponent, and when the bell rang to save the opponent from further hurt, she pushed her opponent's head away in a gangster moment. In short, Jia Bing is actually a closet mafia and is ever ready to bare her fists at anyone who crosses her.

 

The Onyx HR - Audrey

The Audrey that I know, is an avid boxer, who's disciplined and has a iron-willed heart. She is strong and mature, yet kind and beautiful. She has a head of hair, luscious and silky smooth and emits the smell of spring floral whenever she walks past. In short, Audrey is the prettiest human I've ever met, because I still want to take leave, and I think it is unwise to offend Audrey.

 

But the other folks at Onyx are unappreciative of Audrey's kindness. They say (they say one, not me) that Audrey is very scary and that the best time they've had recently was when Audrey went on a long holiday leave. They also say that even when Audrey is not around, she's always watching. (Do I get points for this, Miss Audrey?)

 

The Big Boss - Chocolate

The moment Chocolate walks through the gates of Onyx, the lowly me have to be ready to be there, waiting with either the umbrella or the usual iced kopi that she likes. There was even one day when I was the only one expecting her arrival because the rest somehow escaped with a meeting or something, and I had to actually piggyback her while holding the umbrella.

 

There's also a standing order in the office that when Chocolate walks in, it is mandatory to kneel and pay respect to her by shouting "Boss!" in yakuza style. I learnt my lesson the hard way, when one time, I forgot, and I was immediately "invited" to the ring with her. Since then, I live everyday, coming to work in fear and trepidation. 

 

To my Big Boss Chocolate, I'd just like you to know that I am chanting "Long live big boss Choco" in my head every moment that I'm breathing.

 

In Summary

 

The HQ Onyx life is a living nightmare. If you guys don't see me around anymore, I guess it's the end of the road for my career in Onyx.

 

PS: If the police comes looking for me, tell them that I might be buried at the soccer field behind.

 

 

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